Moving with Change: The Paradox of Control in Uncertain Times
image: Loubna Dz via Unsplash
Change is a constant. We cannot slow it down, stop it, pause it, or speed it up. Nor can we bend it to our liking. It moves whether we resist or not. And yet, it’s in that resistance — in the friction we create against change — that we suffer most.
But acknowledging that reality doesn’t make it any easier. Accepting change doesn’t mean we suddenly glide through it. It does, however, invite us into a different kind of relationship with it: one where we stop fighting to hold what cannot be held, and stop grasping to control what will not stay.
The Paradox of Change: Dynamic and Constant
Here’s the paradox: change is dynamic and constant at the same time. It’s always happening, and yet sometimes it feels as if nothing is happening at all. Stillness may not mean stability; it may just mean we’re moving at the same speed as change itself.
Think of two cars on the highway. One traveling at 100 miles an hour, the other at 110. Both are moving fast — but to each other, that difference looks like only 10 miles an hour. When we are “in sync” with the pace of change, it can feel deceptively still, when in fact everything is in motion.
And this is where perception enters. Change is unrelenting, but our perception of change — fast or slow, good or bad, gain or loss — is what shapes our inner experience of it.
Perception, Identity, and Response
When we perceive change, it doesn’t just register as an external shift. It touches our identity. It signals whether something we value is being reinforced or threatened. And that in turn influences what we think about it, how we feel about it, and how we respond.
If change feels aligned with who we are, it often stirs excitement, energy, and momentum.
If change feels like a threat to who we are — or who we believe ourselves to be — it can provoke fear, resistance, or grief.
The same external reality can be experienced in opposite ways depending on that perception. A clock striking noon can mean lunch. Or it can mean a duel. Same moment, different meaning.
Change, Uncertainty, and Control: The Flywheel
When we perceive change as destabilizing, we often experience a spike in uncertainty. And what fuels our discomfort is not just the change itself, but the way it undermines our sense of control.
Here’s one way to see the loop:
Change (constant, dynamic, unavoidable) meets our
Perception (fast/slow, gain/loss, safe/threatening), which creates
Uncertainty (can I trust what’s coming?), which undermines
Control (the illusion that we can dictate outcomes).
That loss of control drives our resistance to change, which loops back and magnifies our sense of uncertainty. The flywheel spins faster, fueled by perception.
And at the center of that flywheel sits the self: identity, thoughts, emotions. Our perception of reality doesn’t just inform how we experience change — it shapes who we believe ourselves to be in the midst of it.
To Gain Control, Let Go of It
So what does it mean to lead ourselves — and others — through change? Perhaps it begins with accepting two things at once:
Change is constant, dynamic, and unavoidable.
Our perception of it shapes everything: thought, feeling, identity, and response.
In that acceptance, something paradoxical happens. We actually regain a sense of agency. By letting go of the illusion of total control, we step into a more grounded kind of influence: not forcing change, not denying change, but moving with it.
It’s less about fixing uncertainty and more about developing a capacity to stand inside it without losing ourselves. To see change not just as disruption, but as motion we can accompany.
That’s where the real work begins. Because if change is always moving, then so are we. The question isn’t whether we can stop it. The question is: how do we move in rhythm with it — without losing who we are along the way?
